Do Not Adjust Your Set: Seeing Reality In A Feminism-Saturated World
by Rune Adal
"You f***ed up. You trusted us."
--- Otter to Flounder, "Animal House" (1978)
This post is for any boys and young men, perhaps working or in college, who have seen this phenomenon.
A common trope among feminists and traditional conservatives is to blame young men for not "clearly seeing what's all around them" and adjusting accordingly. This is particularly the case when boys and young men begin to see how girls respond to them, and to other men. It usually goes something like this.
The Pattern Of Misdirection And Rejection
1. Moms, dads, teachers, pastors, Sunday School teachers, and other authority figures in a boy's life carefully and methodically teach him to be "Nice". Deferential, obsequious, fawning, pedestalizing, supplicating.
2. Boy does as he is told. Boy is rejected out of hand, time and again.
3. Boy sees other boys and young men showing indifference, aloofness, and masculine behavior; and sees that this attracts girls.
4. Boy tells authority figures what he has seen. He wonders if he has not been told the truth; or if there is something he has missed.
5. Authority figures respond with one of the following:
a. "those girls are just stupid. They don't really like those guys. Those guys are stupid, macho shitheads. Masculinity is not attractive and girls don't like it. Girls are really attracted to niceness. Girls really like NiceGuys ™. You just keep on being nice nice nice and someday, when you're older, those girls will find out what a great guy you are."
b. "If you are not Nice to girls, then very, very bad things will happen to you. You will never get jobs. You will get kicked out of school. You will lose the jobs you have. No one will ever love you. You will live in poverty, isolation and ruination. You've got a great life ahead of you---SOMEDAY. It would be a shame if something were to happen to it."
6. Boy returns to "nice" behavior and hopes for the best.
Later, when the boy becomes a man and after a failed marriage or learning the truth about intersexual relationships and how attraction works, he brings up this dynamic. The response from feminists and their traditional conservative allies usually is something like this:
"Well, DUH! All you had to do was look around you. All you had to do was see what was working for other boys and men, and emulate that. Why couldn't you see what was so clearly going on all around you? Why couldn't you figure out what was attractive and what wasn't? Why couldn't you just be masculine? Why didn't you ignore what those authority figures were telling you? It's your own fault for listening to people who clearly didn't know what they were talking about."
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Understanding What You're Seeing Is Not Crazy
There are several things you need to know about this.
First is that you are living in a world which is literally saturated from top to bottom with feminism. It is all around you, everywhere, in everything you see and hear. It's in your school, your church, and your job. It's in the media you consume, the music you listen to, and the social media you use. If you were born at any time after 1965, your world and reality have been completely feminine-centric. It's understandable that you're having a lot of difficulty processing what is going on around you.
Second, --- this is important --- the authority figures telling you these things about being "nice" are unwittingly gaslighting you. This is the primary reason you're having trouble recognizing what you're seeing. Men, if you get nothing else from this post, GET THIS: You are not crazy. You are not stupid. Your mind is not playing tricks on you. Your conclusions are correct. Girls are NOT attracted to NiceGuys. Girls are attracted to masculine men who behave with confidence. She wants a relationship; just not with a NiceGuy. She wants to have sex only slightly less than you do. And yes, she very much does like those masculine men, and it doesn't mean she's stupid or immoral. It just means she's a female.
Regardless of whatever anyone else is telling you, be aware that yes, what you are seeing is in fact happening. It is not your imagination; it is not an aberration; and you are not the only one seeing it. It's very real, and it's normal. Understanding what the total package really is that drives women means recognizing that women are attracted to men who have direction, purpose, and confidence in themselves—not to men who supplicate and fawn.
Third, the warnings you get about sexual harassment policies and adverse consequences for unrestrained male sexuality are valid. You should understand the world you live in, and that world is one in which masculine behavior by men deemed "unattractive" can be penalized. Understand that feminists use these tactics to try to restrain masculine conduct in "unattractive" men. But this doesn't mean you must be a NiceGuy. Start learning today about masculinity and how to display it. Stop filling your daily life with obsequies, supplication, pedestalization, and fawning behavior. Stop caring so much about how women think and feel. Start caring more about yourself. The real goal is to become what women actually want, which is a man who can deliver a genuine, compelling experience.
Fourth, understand that your masculinity is good and beneficial. Your sexuality is neither evil, nor predatory, nor base, nor immoral. You need not rely upon society to restrain you beyond the sound upbringing and education you already have. You certainly should not permit women to shackle it with artificial fetters. You can be trusted to display your fledgling masculinity within the bounds of your sound education. You don't have to be a "NiceGuy" to be accepted into society.
Do not adjust your set.
