No More Mister Nice Guy
by Rune Adal
I’m just going come right out and say it: I don’t want a nice guy. If you wear “nice guy” like some badge of honor, I’ll pass. Please don’t take that to mean I want a bad boy. I don’t know what the statistics are, but I was never one of those girls who had a thing for bad boys. I like my men to be the law abiding citizen type. Not the kind I need to put money in a commissary account for; besides I’m more of the write-you-a-letter type-girl not the fund-your-snacks-type-girl.
The Thing about Nice Guys
The saying goes, “nice guys finish last” for a reason—they do because they’re too busy being nice. Let me put this in the context of dating since that’s what we’re here to talk about. The last couple of guys I’ve met can easily be described as ”nice guys.” They don’t really pursue me, at least not in the way I’ve become accustomed to. For example, I went on a lovely coffee date & given we’ve done the coffee thing twice now let’s call him Mr. Java. The conversation flowed nicely. It ended with a hug & talk of seeing each other again. Then eleven days passed and I didn’t hear from him. Like, nothing. Really? Really. On this eleventh day I sent him a text message, which he promptly responded to. I was kind of left scratching my head and then today I had a total light bulb moment after seeing him again. For starters I’m used to men fawning all over me. Oh, and I’ve got questionable skills in the showing interest department. So in lieu of pointing the finger at him I’m going to point it at myself. Like the big girl that I am.
Even though I don’t think a follow-up call or text was asking for a lot, when you leave a man guessing, I’m thinking it leaves a bit of uncertainty where there shouldn’t be any.
Let’s say you’re right where I was minus the self awareness part. Think about how many times you’ve had a really good first date and never heard back from him? You’re left wondering what the hell happened & questioning if what just happened really just happened. Did it happen? It happened right? So here’s my advice for you “nice guys” out there: don’t be so nice that you become a nice memory.
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My Kind of Nice Guy
Nice is a quality, a way of describing oneself. I like guys who are nice. These are the type of guys who have what I like to call “umph”; at least when I was discussing this recently that’s how I differentiated between the two. There’s something really attractive about a guy who just has that something that you can’t really put into words, but you just kind of feel. Not to be confused with our good friend lust. Lust you feel in a different place, like south of the border if you will. I’m talking more along the lines of butterflies. Yeah, let’s call them butterflies. Aren’t they kind of nice? In the case of Mr. Java he showed more signs of being my kind of nice guy on our most recent interaction. Let’s skip the small talk and go straight to the good stuff. He kissed me. He looked right at me and I was thinking, “He’s totally going to make a move” and I was pleasantly surprised at the “umph” he showed. It was nice. We’re going to see each other again. And I’m left more confused than ever. For the time being let’s table that confusion. Okay? Thank you.
It’s no secret I’m big on feelings. I say go with your intuition, its leads you in a way that I think your brain just can’t. Besides I don’t think they’re called whirlwind romances because everything made sense, my guess is it just felt right. So go ahead and be the girl who moves cross country for love, gets your heart broken & finds the guy you were looking for the whole time but just didn’t know. James Earl Jones puts it like this, “Love is like an earthquake-unpredictable, a little scary, but when the hard part is over you realize how lucky you truly are.”
